Yikes! I did it!

Off treatment for 3 days , back on treatment 3 days.........and sick again  :(
It's become abundantly clear to me that I must either give up treatment or give up my job.  I've gutted it out as long as I can.  The time has come.  Today I resigned from my job.  My last day of employment on will be Aug 18th.  The nausea and fatigue have at last overwhelmed me and forced my hand.  I'm choosing LIFE.  I'm choosing to continue the fight.  I don't have the energy to both fight and work, so I willl fight.
I came home today  and had a good cry on Bill's shoulder after turning in my resig.   I've loved my job and the tremendous satisfaction it's given me over the past dozen years.  I love my co-workers and will most certainly miss their company.   I also love my life and I know that I do not get sufficient rest for someone fighting a disease like cancer.
And at this moment my husband is happy as can be that I have FINALLY agreed to relax and take better care of myself.

The dust is beginning to settle on this  and I'm growing more and more confident that I've chosen right.  I'm exhausted!

Belly aches and Heart aches

It's been one of those bellyache days.  I've spent most of the day in my recliner reading, meditating, studying & thinking.  Physical movement turns ache to nausea, so here I sit.  It's not so bad.  It's just not how I planned on spending my day.
I've reached the midway point of my "online retreat"  with Pema Chodron.  I'm loving it.  I do wish that I could have spent this time with a bit more solitude.  My life is exactly what I've made it...busy!!  So, I am catching my quiet moments as I can.

My heart leaps with joy at the recent Supreme Court decision to allow our gay community the joy of marriage.  It's a time of celebration for all the members of the community as well as for people like myself who care passionately about human rights.  I wish you Peace, Love and Happiness my gay friends.

But there is heart ache as well.  I feel a stab of pain in my heart each time the opposition throws a spear at the gay community, out of their misguided sense of moral superiority. I hurt when I see the FB postings that are clearly so judgemental.   I cringe to think of the pain that is and has been laid upon the homosexual community because some can not resist the temptation to project their own self loathing  upon  an entire sector of our society.  Why???  What purpose has it served, other than to hurt people?  When has hurting other human beings ever been anything but wrong?   How is this justified in the twisted reasoning of the perpetrators?  What kind of selfishness demands happiness for themselves, yet denies it to others?

At the end of the day, however, I am encouraged.  We have made another leap forward in the area of human rights.  Those who have sought to oppress have suffered another defeat.
God Bless America