BEFORE: Protestant, Christian, Methodist, all labels that I've worn over the years. I was born into these labels, handed to me by my family, my community, my culture. Born elsewhere in the world to a different set of parents, I might very well have been Muslim, Buddhist, Jewish, Hindu or atheist. In recent years I have needed my spirituality to be more than happenstance, a roll of the dice. Coming nose to nose with my own mortality in my battle with cancer has led me to look closer, think harder and longer about matters of the heart & soul.
How dare I look beyond the religious lessons of my youth? Rebel that I am, I have. No regrets.
The United Church of Christ in Fairfield Mt and St Pauls United Methodist here in Helena will always feel like home to me. I have chosen to move on (move forward?). I don't know the appropriate phrase to apply. I will say though that I bring most of what I was as a Christian along with me on this new journey. It will not be left behind in some forgotten place in my memories.
I've come to realize that there is more. Much more.
NOW: I am free to honor that place, practice, belief, intellectual conclusion, emotional awareness in others that allows each to connect with the best part of themselves. We are all in search of this place, each in our own way. From a spiritual perspective this has been liberating for me. I've fallen in love with this feeling of liberation! :)
Last night I was reading parts of Book of Revelation. It has always been the most confusing book of the Holy Bible for me, making very little sense. Now, for whatever reason, the puzzle pieces are (bit by bit) beginning to fit. It's an exciting time for me. I've been freed from labels, expectations, and a belief system that I inherited and was never truly of my choosing. I have so much more to learn and I need time. At the end of the day, though, I know that I'll never have enough time here on earth to arrive at that place of awareness that feels like my destination. A little more time, though, would sure be nice.
Today, 1 day after treatment, I found enough energy get on my bike and go for a ride. It was a beautiful morning. Fall has definitely arrived. The air was cool and my T shirt and sweatshirt were a perfect choice for the ride. Several miles down the road, my thoughts cleared and this blog began to take shape in my head. The clarity of thought that I experienced on my ride evaporated before I began typing. Haha! Does any of the above makes sense? it doesn't matter if it makes no sense at all. My journey. No one needs to understand it. Maybe that's the point of my blog. Each of us is on their own journey. Let's give each other space. Can we do that for one another?
