The human mind can make peace with anything, even the ending of one's life. The initial terror at diagnosis fades to nothingness, replaced by a quiet, almost comforting acceptance of this fact of life. It ends, for all of us.
Our material possession have NO value beyond their functional purpose during life. A home has no value beyond it's function of shelter. Time invested in acquiring a bigger, better whatever is time squandered. The only things of any value are the people we share are lives with, the joy and tears, the experiences of our lives and their lessons. It is a fool who invests their time in acquiring more material items. It is a fool who puffs out their chest in pride over these things. These things are meaningless.
There will be some who abandon you after diagnosis. It's a reflection of their own fears and shortcomings. Forgive them and move on. They are no longer meant to have a place in your life. Do not waste precious time mourning the loss them from your life.
Live today. It is all there is. Wake up each day determined to fill it with something of value. My happiness and satisfaction in life increased tenfold after diagnosis because I learned the lesson of "today". Wake up every day with an expectation of joy. Joy comes easily when it's allowed. It takes a simple leap of faith and a belief that life is about joy.
Everything we need for that last journey, the experience of death is already within us. We need not go chasing after a new church, a more enlightened spiritual leader or some book that we believe may hold the answers to life's biggest mystery. We hold it within us already. The answers is ours if we have the courage to look.
Friday, January 2, 2015
Thursday, January 1, 2015
Those awful times
What do I do with those awful times when it doesn't seem worth it? I get so tired of feeling awful. Never ever is my stomach completely at peace. There are days when the war makes me weary and so low on determination and will. Sometimes I envy those warriors who have already passed. They are free of the burden of a sick body.
10 + years I having doing this. I'm tired of the fight today. An accounting of my journey would be a lie if I didn't admit to the experience of despair from time to time. This is the part that nearly everyone chooses to invalidate, ignore or to try to convince me I am not entitled to experience. I am alone on these day because people can't seem to bear the truth of my reality. It's ugly alright, but it is as real as the experience of good days.
For the most part I believe we are culturally messed up on the subject of death. How many die alone because those closest to them can't handle the "hard parts"?
10 + years I having doing this. I'm tired of the fight today. An accounting of my journey would be a lie if I didn't admit to the experience of despair from time to time. This is the part that nearly everyone chooses to invalidate, ignore or to try to convince me I am not entitled to experience. I am alone on these day because people can't seem to bear the truth of my reality. It's ugly alright, but it is as real as the experience of good days.
For the most part I believe we are culturally messed up on the subject of death. How many die alone because those closest to them can't handle the "hard parts"?
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