What do I do with those awful times when it doesn't seem worth it? I get so tired of feeling awful. Never ever is my stomach completely at peace. There are days when the war makes me weary and so low on determination and will. Sometimes I envy those warriors who have already passed. They are free of the burden of a sick body.
10 + years I having doing this. I'm tired of the fight today. An accounting of my journey would be a lie if I didn't admit to the experience of despair from time to time. This is the part that nearly everyone chooses to invalidate, ignore or to try to convince me I am not entitled to experience. I am alone on these day because people can't seem to bear the truth of my reality. It's ugly alright, but it is as real as the experience of good days.
For the most part I believe we are culturally messed up on the subject of death. How many die alone because those closest to them can't handle the "hard parts"?
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