Wishes, Regrets & Gratitude

My mind these days runs a mile a minute. There is that ever present fear of running out of time.  Does every moment count?  Sometimes it seems so.
And I wonder.....
What would my life be now if I'd had exposure, decades ago, to the beauty and peace of Islam/The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) and where it all fits into the truth of progressive  revelation? It's been the missing piece all along.
I need to back up my narrative to 1976 when I was floundering in my Christian faith.  I want to tread lightly here as I would be horrified to think that I have undermined the faith of any my Christian friends.  I will state this vaguely by saying that logic & my own concept of God led me to question my faith.  It was at this time that I was introduced to the Baha'i Faith.  The pieces of my Christian faith began to fit into a bigger picture.  (Big sigh of relief for the much younger version of myself. )
My more recent history involves my  study of the Quran and the conviction that this too is a gift from God, as much as is the gift of Jesus (PBUH).  This is what I somehow missed all of these years.  I feel a bit sad and regretful. At the same time I am grateful for the gift of time that allows me to learn.
Why blog it?  I feel led to make this statement of faith
Time is running out.  Not just for me but for all of us. I leave this, in part, for my kids and grandkids that they have a deeper understanding of who I am. Also, selfishly, it just feels peaceful and right to be authentic in the expression of  my convictions.

Hanging On

Like most cancer warriors, hope is not consistent.  Some days a lot.  Some days not so much.   I discussed some persistent pain with my Onc. on Friday  He did physical exam and ordered an MRI. I went from there to the chemo room for treatment.  At this point I was hopeful.  Then I made my big mistake.  I logged into an interfaith discussion forum.  Unfortunately there was a "Christian" spewing some nastiness.  As I read her various comments I felt my faith and hope evaporating, negative energy replacing the good.  By the time I arrived home my thoughts were in the darkest of places.  How and with whom I spend my time matters.   I have several days to go until I my MRI. Scanxiety is in full bloom 😫

Lesson learned.  I need to take great care to avoid negative people, especially when the uncertainty of cancer is following me around like a gray cloud. 

One last thought about inter faith discussion.  When the discussion turns ugly how is this one bit different from the hideous religious wars that have gone on forever? It doesn't serve God in any way. Best to walk away and to do so quickly.

So, the sun is shining today.  I have my shorts on and intend to enjoy it.  Don't anybody worry about me.  It's a little bump in the road.  I made a mistake in not turning away from negative energy when I should have.  Live and learn, right?