Hanging On

Like most cancer warriors, hope is not consistent.  Some days a lot.  Some days not so much.   I discussed some persistent pain with my Onc. on Friday  He did physical exam and ordered an MRI. I went from there to the chemo room for treatment.  At this point I was hopeful.  Then I made my big mistake.  I logged into an interfaith discussion forum.  Unfortunately there was a "Christian" spewing some nastiness.  As I read her various comments I felt my faith and hope evaporating, negative energy replacing the good.  By the time I arrived home my thoughts were in the darkest of places.  How and with whom I spend my time matters.   I have several days to go until I my MRI. Scanxiety is in full bloom 😫

Lesson learned.  I need to take great care to avoid negative people, especially when the uncertainty of cancer is following me around like a gray cloud. 

One last thought about inter faith discussion.  When the discussion turns ugly how is this one bit different from the hideous religious wars that have gone on forever? It doesn't serve God in any way. Best to walk away and to do so quickly.

So, the sun is shining today.  I have my shorts on and intend to enjoy it.  Don't anybody worry about me.  It's a little bump in the road.  I made a mistake in not turning away from negative energy when I should have.  Live and learn, right?