Uh....yes, I have cancer
Odd thing happened today. Someone I work with commented that I was making frequent trips to the bathroom..."True, we cancer patients make more frequent trips as a rule." "But you are not really a cancer patient!" Let me take a step back and look at this logically. Trip to oncologist every 4 weeks, 2 cancer meds (1 oral, 1 injectable), tumor in major organ (pancreas). Yep, I would say that I most definitely am a cancer patient. "But you work out, you look healthy, happy..etc......" By now others joining in the conversation. "You don't seem sick." Oh, but I am, my friends. I don't often complain, but I do often feel unwell. It's interesting how invalidated this conversation left me feeling tonight. I am fighting for my life. That fact seems to have been missed by the some of the people who spend the most time with me. How does it happen that we can be so unaware of the struggles of others? I ask this question wondering what I have missed because I have not taken time to really look at and understand those around me. We rob ourselves of real meaning and depth in our lives and relationships because of simple inattention.
So.... all of this may look different to me in the morning, but tonight I find it rather sad.
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My friend. I understand you. People, pretend or in some case's just don't understand, they have never been thu a death, or facing death. Why is that? I can't understand people. Death surrounds us daily. It might be wierd. But I can accept dying. I have been close before, and have had so many close people die. It is part of life. We fight daily to live. I'm here for you, if you want to talk ever.
ReplyDeleteThan you for this comment, Deb.. Most avoid the subject of death, even when a loved one is facing it directly. It is a discussion that most cancer patients desperately wish to have. It horribly a horribly lonely feeling to have to process it alone.
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