Today, the morning after my most recent stumble, I am reflecting on all that has happened. A couple of things come to mind today. The 1st is just how vulnerable I am to the toxicity/lack of kindness of others. How quickly and easily it brings me to my knees. I choose to allow myself this vulnerability. It is the key to a deeper, richer personal life. Whom I have allowed access...well, some reassessment is in order. Some are not respectful of me or mindful of this cancer journey I am on. There comes a time to walk away and not look back.
Secondly, I am reminded of how interlinked my emotional state is with my ability to fight cancer. I woke up yesterday upset. My stomach and bowels were tied in knots. I threw up everything I swallowed, including water. I finished the day 4 pounds lighter. Around 7 in the evening Kelly showed up with the antidote...my grandbaby. She wrapped her little arms around me and my stomach relaxed. Shortly after, the pain was gone. Can love cure cancer? Maybe not, but it sure helps.
Thirdly, I logged into my Facebook account and found an abundance of support in the way of comments and private messages. I am blessed more than I deserve in the way of friends. I am grateful. I am beyond grateful.
Lastly, I must be more vigilant about where I invest my time and feelings. I can't afford too many falls like yesterday. I fear that I won't be able to pull myself to my feet again. It's a dangerous place to be for someone who is fighting cancer. It is a place where the temptation to give up is very real and very frightening. I must not allow ANYONE to steal my determination to fight.
I am back on my feet again today. I am again determined to keep on keeping on.
No comments:
Post a Comment