I recall the exact moment when Mom chose to stop fighting her debilitating disease. There had been a big family reunion, more elaborate than previous years. It was a wonderful success and most certainly the fulfillment of one of Mom's wishes. As the last car pull away afterwards, I watched her close her eyes and drop her chin to her chest for a moment of reflection. I sat quietly with her, careful not to disturb. When she raised her head I saw something different in her eyes. The fear and exhaustion I had grown accustomed to seeing over the past year was replaced with a look of resignation and peace. Even though I understood perfectly well what it meant, I found it a relief. That reunion was her good bye to her family. It was a wonderful goodbye. It made her happy.
The biggest surprise at this time is that my father understood as well. I had never thought him to be particularly in tune with, or observant of Mom's emotional needs. I have to say that he came through for her when it meant the most. He redeemed himself in my eyes (and perhaps hers as well) in that moment of clarity when he understood.
Mom lived another 3 months after this day. These were high quality months in terms of our relationship. I learned things about her that I did not know about her. I'm left to wonder if this was because she had become more willing to share her inner self or whether I had at last gained enough maturity to listen in a way that she needed me to listened. That remains an unanswered question. It was during these final months that I learned how deep Mom's faith in God was. It was most certainly a comfort to her at the end of her life. I find comfort in knowing that she was at peace as the end drew near for her. I hope I can leave this life with the same degree of peace and dignity.
No comments:
Post a Comment